I'm jealous of your bromance
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
