There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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