and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
