I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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