Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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