I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just want nice things and good sex
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
