the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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