She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
