you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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