i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
