I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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