Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
