Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
