Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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