Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
