I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
