Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
