That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
