He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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