Sry I called you an 8
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was CRYING into my vagina
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
