My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Let's get the cat blown out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
