break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone came in the potted fern
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
