i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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