We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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