Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
