Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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