My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
