Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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