I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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