when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
