All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
