HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
