Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
