i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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