I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
