I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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