A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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