I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
