sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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