I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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