Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
