how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
