i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
