That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my poor anus
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
