HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
