I skipped work to stalk him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
