i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
