My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
