Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
