if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just had sex bonerless
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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