found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
