Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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