I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
