Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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