:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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