I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
