She's JV to your varsity
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
