did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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