so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
