I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
