when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
