Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize