Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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