I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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