I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
