How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
