Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
