Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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