So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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